I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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