Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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