speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
