sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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