well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
