dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize