i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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