She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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