I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
