hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
