even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
