Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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