never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
