oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
