Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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