im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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