his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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