the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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