My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
