i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
