Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
