Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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