im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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