I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
