Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
