I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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