I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
