I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
