i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
