Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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