yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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