I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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