Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
