this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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