Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
