Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
