Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
