he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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