it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
