Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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