This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just cropdusted the office
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
