good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
