Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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