and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So many bounce houses so little time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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