I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
