she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
