like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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