i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we're making bets on your personal life
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
