dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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