i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
