Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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