I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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