If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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