He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
