just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
