Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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