The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
