I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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