No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have tasted many bathrooms
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
