my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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