Even water is tasting like jack daniels
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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