Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
