I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
