Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
