bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
