hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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