if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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