we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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