He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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