life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
