What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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