He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
