My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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