she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
