im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
