it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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