Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
