Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this just has baby written all over it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
