i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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