What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
