I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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